The Power of a Painting

Since our very first date, Dustyn has had the names for our kids picked out. We’ve always known that if we were to have a girl her name would be Lyv Renee. It began as Liv when a football trophy in the middle of a superbowl LV pintglass looked like it spelled out the name, which we thought was cool, and her middle name would be taken after my dad. Of course, we had no control when the time came whether our baby would be a boy or girl. 

My relationship with my dad has always been difficult, but as a little girl your dad is like your first love, and that love for him has and will always remain. While out filming for The Outstanding Artist, a raw interview around this topic came up. When I returned home I had an urge to read my dad’s bible I had found after his passing, and the passage I opened it up to read, "Seest thou a man diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men." Although my dad had his struggles, his faith was one thing I always remembered remaining strong. As I read this I pictured that, and him as his favorite animal, a lion, being rewarded for his faith and getting to walk into a grand hall to dine amongst kings. 

Which led to the start of this painting. It was the first time I created a piece truly dedicated to him, and I could feel the resistance to facing all those feelings from my childhood reflected in my studio sessions. For days I felt off, texted my husband often saying I was ready to give up on the painting, and whenever it came to leaving a mark on the lion’s face I couldn’t do it.

Until one night something changed, and I had a late studio session. No one else was in the building, just me and everything I needed to face. I was zoned out to either Soundgarden or Nirvana, when all of a sudden the song “If I Die Young” came on by the Band Perry. It came out of nowhere and so did the tears. I couldn’t hold them back but I kept painting anyway, and even more tears came as I finally finished the lion’s portrait. Everything in my head and heart about our relationship finally felt at peace.

I didn’t know what was about to happen, but after that session I knew there was going to be a turning point. The very next day I found out what it was when I was looking at a positive pregnancy test. I was instantly nervous that it would be a girl. Although I had felt I had a turning point in my relationship with my dad in the painting session, I still didn’t feel like the best candidate to be a girl mom. So I went along with any old wives tale I could find that suggested maybe I was having a boy. But deep down I had a feeling that if it was a girl, she must have been sent to us at this moment almost as a thank you from my dad for the painting, and to help me continue healing.

This all made me wonder if sometimes a painting isn’t just about working through the past or capturing an experience in the moment, but can also become something we carry forward.

If you’ve been following along you’ve seen that we in fact did have a daughter, and I still believe that painting played a part in it. Paintings are powerful that way. After finding out we were having a little girl, I felt parts of me begin to soften. Inspiration began for my next painting where I wanted to capture that feeling. For so many years I had been hardened, but carrying something so precious began to show new sides of myself. It felt like the creation of a pearl. On the outside a mollusk can look rough and it weathers storms, but inside it’s soft and is the perfect home for a pearl to be formed. This painting turned into my way of sharing the news that we would be expecting a baby girl, and for some reason the song “In My Life” was the song that felt right to go along with the announcement. It became the first song I would play on the drive to the studio for the rest of my pregnancy, and even though we had a 5 hour long playlist on shuffle during her labor, that was the song playing when she was welcomed into the world. And her first night home I captured this picture of her resting on my husband’s chest that feels very similar to how I painted the baby in the painting meant for her.

I had experienced before how much connecting with another artist's painting could impact my life, but these were the first times I’d really seen how my paintings were doing the same. I don’t quite understand how it works, but I’ve learned when these visions speak to listen. For these newest  two paintings I’ve done the same thing. 

A call for art was put out around the theme “Unbridled Hope”, subject matter horses. I had only ever painted a horse once previously and they aren’t what I typically feel called to do, but an image instantly popped into my head. A white horse standing on its back legs splashing through the water. I thought of how joyful, curious, determined, and free Lyv is. She interacts with things just for the fun of it, she doesn’t care what she looks like in the moment, only that she enjoys it. And she radiates such pure joy it’s contagious. I wanted to feel the same joy and freedom I see her experience, and the way I feel best is through brushwork on a canvas. 

So here these two paintings stand, “Unbound Spirit” and “Chasing Light”, capturing the qualities I see and love so much about my girl. And because I’ve seen and experienced how a painting can impact your life, I have a feeling these are somehow going to do the same for her future. That’s the power of a painting. We can create them from what we feel and know, but once complete, they truly come alive. Becoming part of the life being lived around them in more ways than one.